Drowning in words
April 20th 2007

I went to the library today. Wow, what a statement. Who hasn't been to the library? The one I go to is actually quite small. I go there three times a week after school. Ever since i discovered they had computers for public use, I haven't been taking much use in there. Well today was strange, the computers (as in all of them) were already reserved for others, and by the time I could get one would be around the time I got picked up. So blindly, like i use to before i discovered the computers, walked down the sections of rows. For some reason I get a strange feeling when walking down these rows, and I'm not talking about ghosts. I am overwelmed by the fact that there are all these literary texts, that have hundreds of millions, maybe even trillions of words in them. That is only the tip of the Titanic though. I cannot fathom of how long they must sit on the shelf with no one touching them. If I wanted to, or atleast try anyway, I would attempt to read them all. But where would you...start? Even end? Unfortunately we only come to libraries to find a book, not read a bunch of them. Some books must seem like a waste of space to people, or some book makes them cringe at their length. I never seem to find that 'right' book though. So while 'looking' for one, I walk down these sections to re-experience the sensation. Sometimes I do pick out books, even if I don't even read them like I should.

420 is pot day, I'm not high.


Moving
April 21st 2007

I don't like moving. It makes me tense. This'll only be for a few months, or so they say. I wonder if'll wanna go back when it's over. I heard something out the window, I swear it was rain, but when I looked all it was was a palm tree blowing in the wind. Maybe the heat's getting to me.



Hate
May 8th 2007

Is it possible to be pissed at everything? And for no apparent reason? To be mad, must there always be a reason for it? Really, I have no idea. Maybe it's stress or something, I've been giving my guts out at school (not much at home) and for what? I'm getting some kind of award in English or Art, I haven't discovered which yet. I should be happy with myself, but when I suceed I just get more pissed at myself. I feel like shit about absolutely EVERYTHING. Maybe, they have pills for this. Or I'm crazy. I don't care which comes first.

Depression
March 19 2007

Depression, continuation of The hate chapter. I'm depressed and I still don't know why. Nothing's wrong with my life. I was made an 'Erbie' (Enviromental role Model) by fairChild, and school's almost over. Am I fustrated with my sucess?

Being depressed, bored, and fustrated drains my creativity like a leech. I've only done one thing in Art this semester that I'm truly happy with. It's from Printmaking, and I'll post likely post it on DA eventually. It came out O.K. Next week is all finals, so at least my brain and mind will be occupied on that. Hell, maybe I'll admit I'm stressed out a bit.


In other news, Prom is drawing closer. This Friday actually. Last time i'll get to be with my two -yes two- friends. My third (you know who you are) started ignoring me a couple months now. I don't think I did anything at all. So why she's pissed at me is beyond my knowledge I'm not perfect either, but her making an effort to at least talk to me would make it better. She and her new friends were planning on putting on 'make-up masks' for Prom. That would totally be cool, for Halloween or an actual Masquerade. It's totally stupid to do it at Prom. But, Fuck it.